A quotation that strikes me on the topic of forgiveness is this: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” (Lewis B. Smedes)
Forgiveness is obviously a difficult endeavor for someone who has been wronged. But choosing the road of forgiveness does have its long-term "rewards". What about, however, forgiving someone who hasn't wronged you personally? Is that your "job" or even your business? These are some of the many questions raised in the play, Dead Man Walking.
As we approach the topics of forgiveness, redemption, and justice in our production, I'm curious about what forgiveness/redemption means to you - both the cast & public. What does it mean to redeem another human being? Is every person worth more than their worst act? Can forgiveness/redemption and justice co-exist?
Feel free to share your feelings/comments below, and join our Dead Man Walking discussion!
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I have to believe that every person is worth more than their worst act. If I did not, I would not be who I am today. Someone has forgiven me even though I did not deserve it—and for that I am so grateful. It is because of this forgiveness that I am able to see what true love is. When I find myself harboring resentment, I think of the forgiveness I was given and it reminds me that I can choose to forgive too.
ReplyDeleteThat said, it is easier to forgive some things (like someone who cuts one off in traffic, or cuts in line in at the coffee shop) than it is others. Very often it takes forgiving over and over again, until one day you realize that you have truly forgiven. In her book "Forgiving the Dead Man Walking" author, Debbie Morris, talks about her struggle to forgive her captor (the man in this play) and how it took her years. But in the end she realizes something in her can not allow this man to die while she has not forgiven him. Forgiveness truly is a gift we give ourselves.
Forgiveness and redemption? I have to respectfully disagree with Melissa and her comment above. In my experience their are some truly evil people that commit horrendous acts in which they didn’t think twice about doing and have no remorse for doing them. Premeditated murder is one of these crimes that really presses people close to the victim to grant forgiveness to the murderer. There are two people that have passed through my life that I am having a very difficult time forgiving for the pain they have caused others. One killed a very close friend of mine. However, this person took the cowards way out so we will never know his motives or why he choose this path. Since this person was not directly related to me...is it my place to forgive him? Hard to say since the death of this person touched many many lives. However, if he had survived and Michigan had the death penalty I would have had no issue with pulling the switch on him.
ReplyDeleteThe other person is one that “led” my company. During his tenure he drove quality people from the company and left it a broken mess. Due to his management style and mismanagement we have had to layoff many good people in the past year and we are still not done. He left a trail of emotional and physical devastation on the people that stayed and those that left. Many of those who were driven out have landed on their feet and are being recognized as the leaders and quality people they are. Those of us left behind now need to pick up the pieces and repair the fiscal, emotional and collateral damage he caused to make us the place we used to be.
Finally, will not forgiving these two prevent me from moving forward? No. Will continuing to be angry or hate these two help anything? No. It won’t bring my friend back or fix the damage that the other person caused. I once heard from the daughter of two murdered parents (killed by two drug addicted teenagers) that you can’t hate...because hate will kill you and then the murderer wins.
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ReplyDeleteI find it interesting to read the two different perspectives side by side. I feel they are representative of the opposing views behind this issue of forgiveness. While I understand and see both sides, I personally have to come down on the side of grace and forgiveness. Why? Because ultimately, I need that same grace and forgiveness just as much or more than anyone else - even the most heinous criminals that walk the earth. Because if I am honest with myself, I am quite capable of those same acts. And because in my heart, I have committed every sin there is many times over. Is that different than actually committing the act? Of course. But how do I know that, but for grace, I might not have, or still might actually commit such acts? Thank God that grace has been extended to me. And may God allow me to extend that same grace to others, even when it means forgiving someone who has committed gross acts of evil. Because if I don't, I risk becoming that evil. Ultimately, it is in my own best interest to forgive.
ReplyDeleteMy ex step-father was a talented, succesful and respected firefighter, trainer, and EMTS. He was admired by his coworkers and thought very highly of. My mother when she met him was a single mom of three. She was struggling to make ends meet and was happy to have meet a kind and loving man to help her with her finish raising my brothers and I.
ReplyDeleteBefore marrying my mother, my step dad had had a beautiful young wife. And the two of them had a beautiful son and daughter. Then tragedy struck them and his wife died of cervical cancer. Six months later he met my mother. My mother and her new husband fell in love. Comforting eachother. My brothers and I were excited to have new siblings and a new big house and to take trips to the fire station to watch Step Dad at work.
Everything was perfect at first.
Once my mother married him, a few months after they met, everything changed. The funny, charming, happy, confident succesful man that he was to the outside world was just a mask. A cover that was hung up on the coat rack as soon as he'd come home. Inside our house he became angry and violent. I never understood WHY he hated me so much. I never understood what could an eleven year old do that could make you treat her so badly. Why? Why if you loved my mother so much would you yell at her and scream at her and act violent towards her? I never understood and I still don't. For five years we lived under a dark raincloud. Everytime we stepped outside or went to one of the fire station parties we all had to wear masks. They thought we were the perfect family.
One Christmas he decided to leave. He just got up and left. For weeks. He was living with a different woman and her kids. And left my mom alone to care for me and my brothers and my step siblings. He came back once. To get some guns, my step brother and to tell my mother she had a week to move out. The end.
He had abandoned my mother and my brothers and I. But I didn't mind that. He also left his daughter behind and never said goodbye. His own flesh and blood daughter.
I haven't seen him in about 3 years since he left and I still feel this burning anger pulse through me everytime I even think about him. I live with just my mom and my ex-step sister now. Just the three of us. I get so angery when I think about how he abandoned his daughter AFTER her mother had died AND he took her little brother from her. Why did he put us through all that pain? I still just don't understand anything about any of it. And I haven't been able to forgive him.
While doing Dead Man Walking with KP, I've really been trying to teach myself how to love and forgive and remember that everybody is capable of love and hate. Good and evil. And my sincere hope is that one day I will be able to forgive my step dad. Yet I find it terribly difficult. So the question about is every man worth more than his worst act? I WANT to say yes! Yes! Of course! But i'm torn. Because when I think about my step dad all I feel is hate.
Are we speaking of forgiveness in the context of this play, or as a whole? As a whole, there are different types of forgiveness depending upon circumstance; whether the wrong was done to you or to someone you love, whether it was done directly or indirectly, age (for example, things done to you as a child are emphasized later in life because of your limited perspective at the time), etc. Each wound holds in it the exact shape of the weapon used to create it. As human beings, we would of course prefer something complete and, inevitably, sentimental, but we're a bit more individual than that, aren't we? And to forgive all is not necessarily to put love in the greater position, but, rather, to place everything equally; to give each sin the same weight as the next. I do not believe that the idea of forgiveness (in the vague and often entirely useless way we describe it) should be prescribed as you would a tonic. People are not changed by suggestion, we know this, but by their own volition in light of personal experience. If someone sees this show and is changed by it, remember those who were not in the least, and that it is not the journey itself, but how it is taken in.
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